A Macintosh Murder Mystery

REPORT #100 filed

It was a body. Propped up against the trunk of a scraggly old apple tree. Chin on the chest, legs akimbo, stiff as a board. If it wasn’t for patches of snow and the wind, it could have been mistaken for an afternoon snoozer. Whatever it was it wasn’t on the boys plan for the day. Deader than a door nail.

Around 3:30 PM on Wednesday, February 4th, 2014, two young brothers found a body in an abandoned apple orchard east of Deer Park. Due to their ages, the 911 call to authorities aroused a growing storm of misinformation and false reporting. According to Chief Sam Fitch, the whole orchard has been designated a crime scene. Detective Ben Perrini said he would be looking into the situation. After a cursory exam on site by the Medic One crew, Lager Mortuary transported the body to the Police lab for an autopsy. Spokane County Coroner, Al Rice has been contacted to determine if there is sufficient evidence to warrant an inquest. All officials announced the need for a prolonged investigation.

The brothers, Sean O’Brien and Randy Roadkill are separated in age by eleven months. If it wasn’t for Sean’s tousled-red hair and Randy’s black pigtail hanging down his back, anyone could have taken them for twins. Fourteen years old and armed with angular but friendly faces, both woke up early on Tuesday, anxious to scan and prowl the ever-widening reaches of their neighborhood.

Their mother, Edna Running Eagle is without a doubt the most attractive and under-appreciated Native American woman on the Spokane reservation. Before the boys were born, Edna worked the day shift as an RN in the ER of the Tri-County Hospital in Deer Park. She has regularly unwound after work by socializing and drinking at her favorite watering hole in Clayton on her way home. Sometimes she would get lucky and meet some guy with a motel room closer to the hospital. She would spend the night in the motel instead of driving back to Wellpinit, where the local HQ office of the BIA is located. The year before Sean and Randy arrived Edna got lucky two months in a row.

Sean was born on the Fourth of July, 1990. His father was a fifty-year-old redheaded Irish immigrant traveling sales rep for Dunbrook Athletic jackets. Randy was born about eleven months later and his sperm donor was a reluctant alcoholic from the Kalispel reservation. Edna couldn’t remember if he had mentioned his name before falling asleep. Since both of these half-breed offspring were collateral damage, she named them to the best of her memory and went back to work. Having been born so close in time the boys bonded early for protection and fun.

Tuesday’s foray into the orchard had been in the planning stage for a week. Both of the boys were anxious to try out their new BB guns.

“ First one in the car, gets the first shot!”, yelled Randy.

“No way.”

“We’re late. Get in and shut up.”


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